Jon Greenbank EFP Articles, Blogs & Short Stories - The English Football Post
Calendar, goals
(Apologies to N.Sedaka/H.Greenfield)
I love, I love, I love my calendar game (more...)...Read More
Freewriting, Bonny Scotland, Greece is the word.
5.20pm
This is another attempt at freewriting, and for the next ten minutes I will just be typing non-stop whilst listening to the Sky Sports Soccer Saturday post-match post-mortems. It's a really hard thing to explain, you just write whatever comes in to your head ...Read More
Let Me Be Your Fantasy
(Or, a response to this website’s editor’s excellent earlier piece Game Getting Greedier)
A week into the new season and my interest is, as predicted, beginning to wane.
Not wholly due to Everton’s poor performances in their first two games, that's real...Read More
Hand It Over
Sad news reached me this morning about a Tommy Leeffe from Newcastle. Within the last month he has lost the only two father figures he'd ever had - two father figures he never actually met - and now he is barred from his favourite place indefinitely.
You might remem...Read More
Obituary
Following an unfortunate accident at the weekend, United’s famous kit man John Kitt has died. He is renowned the world over as the longest serving kit man in modern day football, having served the club since his apprenticeship which started at the age of 14.
John ...Read More
SKY SPORTS STEVE
His alarm goes off early. The time is now… by Moloko. When he was a student, that song meant a girl he fleetingly fell for. Now it means much more than she ever did.
He gets up and turns on the TV. Sweaty fingers fumble for the only buttons that matter.
...Read More
B, C, N, U…
Otherwise known as my obligatory season review, naturally featuring reference to reality TV ‘stars’, over-complicated narrative, and at times ridiculous bathos.
Now that the somewhat anticlimactic summer internationals have passed, it feels somewhat appropria...Read More
Final countdown
The first FA Cup Final I can remember is the 1986 one. The day I started supporting Everton. Sometimes, I question that decision – at the final whistle that day, for example. Years later I bought a VHS recording of the game but never watched it, instead ‘lending’ it to...Read More
Mexican Wave
Given the news story that is currently on many people’s minds, especially when they blow their nose, look in their handkerchief and wonder, it is perhaps not a surprise that the following article should focus on a Central American country that is only known to many for its...Read More
Love will tear us apart
- It’s not you, it’s me.
- Come on! That’s what they always say!
- I… I just need a break from you for a while. I need some space. It’s just something I’ve got to do.
- But… don’t I make you smile? Fill your heart with joy?
...Read More
The King is Dead. Long Live The King.
My recommendation for this week is never to get gastroenteritis.
Not only did this violent affliction completely obliterate my Easter weekend, and rid me of half a stone I can’t really afford to lose, but I’ve honestly never before felt some of the pains and dis...Read More
Famous International Playing Boys
This season, I have fallen a little out of love with the game, for various reasons. The obscene amounts of money now being the most important aspect of the sport, the disappointments at fellow fans’ behaviours, or the resurgence of ‘those loveable reds’ since the Tic-T...Read More
Sweet F.A.
Magic...
Moments...
When two teams are slugging it out to the death for the right to a replay, a nail-biting penalty shoot-out, the chance of a place in Europe, a lucrative home tie, or a strange looking silver trophy.
The FA Cup.
This compe...Read More
Bounce, back, ability…
Greetings once again. Before I go on, please understand that this article is not just about the origins of this title (another attempt at a humorous play on words, before anyone comments) as the media over used it in Iain Dowie’s heyday a few years ago.
Rather, it concern...Read More
Jon 3:16
I have always been a little uncomfortable with the links that some make between football and religion. There is a danger in attaching too much meaning to the sport, many of my previous articles have tried to promote this message. However, on Wednesday night I do believe I wi...Read More
It Is Written
New Year greetings to you all.
Those of you who have read my articles in the past, and are fortunate enough to have already seen Danny Boyle’s new film Slumdog Millionaire will recognise why the movie will have moved me so much. The tears in my eyes were not just a resp...Read More
Three French Hens (for Diana)
Those of you who read my last article will realise the relevance of the title. The hens do refer to the ‘holy trinity' of the popular Christmas song, but are dedicated not to a dead princess or lizard ruler (Jane Badler, we salute you...) Rather, to a blonde singer from th...Read More
Twelve days til Christmas / The nightmare before Christmas
All my devoted readers will already know of my penchant for Indie music, particularly that borne out of Salford and Manchester in the early 80s. However, many will be surprised to learn that this is almost entirely at odds with my secret passion for X Factor, particularly th...Read More
Experiments at school
Okay so this is going to be a weird one but stay with me.
It’s actually part of a bigger project, a University Masters level research topic would you believe. It was inspired by a 1980s Twilight Zone episode featuring Elliot Gould, playing a restaurant critic whose life...Read More
The following is a letter I wrote but never sent.
The following is a letter I wrote but never sent, to a gentleman I sat with on the 10.22 Liverpool Lime Street - Scarborough train, one Saturday last month. If you think you might know him, please add a comment below or get in touch with efp direct...
October 9th 2008
De...Read More
Encore une fois (Xabi Alonso)
"...Baby seems like everywhere I go I see you
From your eyes, your smile, it's like I breathe you
Helplessly, I reminisce, don't want to
Compare nobody to you"
...Read More
More than a Shirt
Picture the scene, a sportswear superstore housed in what used to be the Heaven ‘n’ Hell nightclub I used to frequent, 20ft high on Blackpool promenade.
“Are you sure you don’t want this one, lad?” The bald Geordie bloke asked, cheekily. He held up the ne...Read More
PSG (Paris stroke Goodison)
It's been two months since I last wrote you a letter. At the start of the season, I promised you drama of Hitchcockian proportion, and to an extent that prophecy has come true during that time.
I have just returned from a visit to Paris, the city of light, where...Read More
Conquering Spaniels
Spaniels possess a great share of intelligence, affection, and obedience, which qualities, combined with much beauty, make them highly prized as companions. The name comes from the word for Spanish (Español). (more...)...Read More
Who says Romance is Dead?
It was Valentine’s Day last Thursday, and love was certainly in the air.
The previous night, Everton surpassed everyone’s expectations once again with a record sixth straight win, albeit in the UEFA Cup but we are doing well. Hopefully this week’s home leg wil...Read More
What Difference Does It Make?
Happy New Year to you all. FA Cup third round day is nearly here, the day of dreams and all those other clichés… Ronnie Radford wheeling away, Dave Beasant’s penalty save, the strange looking Sutton United fan crying into her boyfriend’s arms – don’t we just l...Read More
Tomato Ketchup
Forrest Gump and Cilla Black got it right. Life is full of surprises.
I told you all at the start of the season I would weave a tale of mystery and suspense, but even I have been shocked at a) some of the comments my articles have inspired and b)some of the events that ...Read More
Repeats
For those of you too busy to watch TV, there has been a recent addition to Freeview and Satellite. Channel 4 Plus One, which shows the same thing only an hour later. This isn’t a new concept but I’ve come to realise it’s possible to get very confused and watch thin...Read More
I’m Not Sorry
What a difference a week makes in football.
A week ago, both Everton and Liverpool knew that a win could send them top. Tonight, phone-ins and letter pages speak louder than bombs in suggesting time could be running out for messrs Benitez and Moyes.
An overstatemen...Read More
Teaching Is Like Football
Just think about it. The educational analogies are long and clear when you look closer.
All the end of term celebrations and awards. A long summer of rest and recuperation, before preparing for a new year with hopes and aspirations. Buying the new kit, or uniform, o...Read More
That’s Entertainment (And Everton plan stadium move)
This Saturday, before the Blackburn game, we will hear a watershed announcement for Everton Football Club.
Last Saturday, whilst the table toppers were losing at Reading, I was sat watching a fantastic musical about the Wicked Witch of the West from the Wizard of Oz. ...Read More
First Day Blues (Plus Ça Change)
And so it went… Saddened and shocked by the premature death of Anthony H Wilson, who was probably more responsible than Morrissey for putting the M in Manchester, a bad night’s sleep on Friday led me to the first day of the season.
Optimism, sunshine, Sky Sports N...Read More
The Baby’s Not Yours (Stevie G)
I was recently awoken by a text from the esteemed editor of the English Football Post asking for my all-time XI from the English league. It was the first day of the summer holidays (being a teacher does have its benefits) and I’d had a really great weekend so maybe was...Read More
Bloody hell, football (In the Northwest)!
It’s been a funny old Summer.
Teams up and down the West Coast Mainline are in the main quite content, some ecstatic, and would you believe Liverpool were one of only two of our teams to end the season with relative disappointment. Naturally, I didn’t enjoy that m...Read More
North By Northwest
An intro to a Northwest blog started by Jon Greenbank.
Blackpool Tower… Cilla Black… Kendal Mint Cake… George Formby… Jennifer Ellison… Meat & Potato Pies… Cockle Pickers… Les Dawson… Black Pudding… Eric Morecambe… Preston Guild… Potted Shrim...Read More
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