Following an unfortunate accident at the weekend, United’s famous kit man John Kitt has died. He is renowned the world over as the longest serving kit man in modern day football, having served the club since his apprenticeship which started at the age of 14.

John was born to do his job, many have said. And for fifty four years, he did it very well. From cotton shorts and wicker shinpads to colour-co-ordinated Under Armours and anthem jackets, he has seen and washed it all. It is impossible to think how many millions worth of talent have been dressed by his fabric conditioned fingers.

His interest in football strips started at an early age; his mother used to buy him Charles Buchan’s Football Yearbook annually and he marvelled at the bright colours, how striking his heroes such as Billy Wright and John Charles looked in the simple strips. John was fortunate that his uncle worked for the local team, then developing into a major force in British football, and around the time he began secondary school, John became the envy of his friends as he began to spend time at the ground helping his uncle wash and prepare the heavy duty kits.

Not that John had much time for his friends – weekend evenings were spent at the ground laying out the gear for the weekend match or sat at home, listening to the wireless and colouring in endless drawings he would make of footballers.

Upon leaving school his uncle passed away in an unfortunate, bizarre washing machine accident, and a vacant position opened up that he seem destined to fill. He kitted out the squad through their glory years, can be seen on many a celebratory team photo being doused in champagne, and was more than once named as a catalyst for the success.

“I just give them what they want,” John famously said in 1966. “These lads like to feel comfortable, they play better when they feel looked after. And, I feel better when they’re comfortable.”

Sponsors on shirts in the late seventies heralded a new interest in what players wore as opposed to what they did, and his profession grew in stature as a  result. As sportswear manufacturers also grew in size, so did his importance to the club, and the sport in general. Indeed, more than one website attributes the naming of the car in Eighties hit Hasselhoff series Knight Rider (K.I.T.T.) to John and his ilk. The Premiership era saw his work being cut out even more, what with elaborate squad number printing and extensive training ranges to fit in the skips. High profile strip stories such as Manchester United’s grey nadir didn’t help.

Technological innovations saw a change in his job responsibilities, but John embraced them, and made the most of the new ranges being produced. He admitted in a frank interview with FourFourTwo magazine in 2003, that he longed for a return to those glory days of sour smelling detergent and starch, one to eleven and brown leather balls. But he embraced the constant changes, the fluorescent away kits and boot sponsorship deals, and carried on regardless. He always made sure the old stuff was sent to Africa or distributed to local charities, no doubt to be snapped up by coked-up businessmen to frame on empty room walls. He was also really looking forward to the new season – only last week he had printed the new Premier League badges and attended the new kit launch with pride.

John embraced modern ideas but longed for yesteryear

John died of spontaneous human combustion, a phenomenon that many observers simply cannot explain. In this instance, early indications would suggest that years of exposure to polyester and the accompanying static, caused the explosion. John’s life really did bring about his death. Unconfirmed reports said that he was actually wearing a replica shirt before he died in that changing room, though in all likelihood it was an official shirt – many of those who pay out vast sums for new strips every summer do not actually realise that their heroes wear a different version of the shirt to that tat available on sports store shelves, with superior stitching and numbers – however it doesn’t really matter. Football has lost one of its heroes.

John is survived by his wife, Kit, and their daughters Cat and Eartha. His funeral will take place at the stadium. John’s family have asked those attending the funeral to wear their favourite football shirts and to donate monies to the local fire service.

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